Posted on:
Here at Megatouch, we make video games. Video games are made by nerds, nerds love zombies, ergo we love The Walking Dead. Yes, the show calls them Walkers, but they’re ZOMBIES! Does it really need to be said that I’ve been really hyped for this show to start again? And, OMG you guys! This first episode started things off with a bang, or ended with one. Literally. I was actually wringing my hands throughout thanks to the intensity of the episode and I loved every minute of it. My personal level of anxiety being that high really says something for an hour and a half long episode of television. It’s a long one so, without further ado, buckle yourself to the edge of your seat and read on for the recap.
Just in case you missed it, last season, our hero Rick Grimes (Love Actually‘s Andrew Lincoln) awoke from a coma, found his family, led his not-so-merry band of survivors into, and out of, Atlanta then back again, avoiding hungry zombie hoards (herds?), finally arriving at the CDC. Once at the CDC, they learned that the sole surviving doctor saw no hope and aimed to destroy himself and as many of them as he could. The lone African-American woman (Jaqui, played by Jeryl Prescott) stayed, taking with her a full third of the show’s diversity. Andrea (Laurie Holden) wanted to stay, but we needed a pretty blond lady, so Dale (Jeffery DeMunn) used some sweet emotional blackmail to get her out. Before blowing the CDC to itty bits, Dr. Jenner (the always creepy Noah Emmerich) whispered something to Grimes, what was it? No idea.
Which brings us to the present, where Rick drops knowledge into a walkie-talkie, in one of the weirdest, most oddly synched voice overs that has ever aired on television. He’s addressing Morgan. Remember him from last season? Apparently neither IMDB nor Wikipedia remembers them either. Grimes ran into Morgan, his son Dwayne, and his zombie wife not long after awaking from his coma. In the V.O., Grimes fills Morgan in on what’s happened since they last saw each other, lets him know that this season we’ll be heading to Fort Benning, GA because Atlanta is finished and mentions the whole Doc Jenner whisper without telling us what the freak he said. We set out on the road; Dale, Andrea, Shane (Jon Bernthal) Glenn (Steven Yeun) and T-Dog (IronE Singleton) in the RV, Rick, his wife Lori (Prison Break’s Sarah Wayne Callies), and son Carl (Chandler Riggs) in a jeep with Carol (Melissa Suzanne McBride) and her daughter Sophia (Madison Lintz), and in the lead Daryl (Norman Reedus) on his Neo-Nazi hog.*
*The shots of him on a bike reminded me that the only other place his status as supreme white trash actor could put him on TV is in a Sons of Anarchy cut. In fact, when he’s done here, he should try to challenge Clay for the presidency. You’re welcome Kurt Sutter.
As our happy band moseys along towards Ft. Benning, Lori & Rick talk about a Grand Canyon trip, promising to take the kids someday; and Shane offers to clean Andrea’s gun in the creepiest way possible. All moseying ceases when they simultaneously run into a traffic jam and the RV blows a gasket radiator hose. Dale freaks until Daryl reminds everyone that if they can’t find a radiator hose there, they can’t find one anywhere. Everyone sets to scavenging food, water, weapons and anything else useful from the dead folks that bit it in the traffic jam. Of course Lori is a spoil sport, saying they’re pillaging a graveyard and that she doesn’t like it. Carol’s all like, “Whatever, my abusive husband never let me have nice things and we’re going to need clothes.” I’m on Team Carol. The survivors go merrily about their gathering; T-Dog siphons fuel, Glenn finds an appropriate radiator hose, Shane finds a water truck and promptly wastes a whole bunch of it, Andrea reaffirms her beliefs that they’re all screwed. Dale is playing look-out on top of the RV, yet still manages to miss the sizable zombie hoard heading right for them until Rick sees them in his rifle scope. Nice looking out, Dale.
ZOMBIE HOARD TIME! In an attempt to not draw attention to themselves once Rick sees the numbers of Walkers coming their way, he runs, telling everyone to get under cars. Wait, huh? I thought last season we established that the Walkers have a great nose for humans, especially ripe humans like these, but get under the cars, and everything will be okay? Alright. Everyone manages to get out of sight, except for T-Dog. He appears to be in an area of cars with only flat tires. While trying to hide, he manages to cut himself really deeply on, some jagged metal. Like really deeply, I thought he was dead without any zombie interference. But, those darn Walkers just love to help, and as T-Dog struggles with one, not-so-racist-anymore Daryl puts an arrow through the back if it’s skull, throws T-Dog down under it, and pulls a dead body onto himself. So, now even fresh blood won’t draw a Walker if the bleeder can’t be seen. Much shuffling and moaning commences as the hoard passes by. One Walker boards the RV where Andrea’s been trying to put Shane’s gun back together, she gets into the bathroom, but not without making some noise. Atop the RV, Dale hears the commotion and drops her a screwdriver through a vent, which she promptly puts through the eyeball of her attacker, several times.
And, while I feel like I would have waited at least 15 minutes after the last Walker had passed to get out from under the car, our little Sophia feels no such need. She scoots out too soon, catches the attention of a couple of stragglers and runs off into the woods. Rick gives chase and gets to Sophia in time to hide her. He tells her to wait, but if he doesn’t come back soon, to head back to the others and keep the sun on her left shoulder. He draws off the Walkers and smashes them but good with a big ol’ rock. I’d like to take a moment to commend Andrew Lincoln on displaying an appropriate amount of disgust whenever he’s forced to end a Walker, it’s nice and human. Sophia doesn’t wait long, and is gone before he gets back to her.
Sometime later, Rick and the fellas are down by the creek looking for traces of Sophia. Luckily, our boy Daryl is an awesome tracker. He and Rick follow Sophia’s trail, sending Glenn and Shane back to the highway to keep the peace. Ever notice how “tracking” is a skill in which tons of random TV characters seem to specialize (I’m talking to you, Kate, Sayid, Locke, pretty much everyone from “Lost”)? Do you know anyone in real life who has this skill? Didn’t think so.
Meanwhile, back on the highway, not making noise with guns doesn’t seem to apply to playing demolition derby in order to make enough space to turn around the RV and get to a bypass. No one seems concerned the Walkers might hear the crashing and come back. Then, Carl decides to make me extremely nervous by relieving a dead guy of his sharp knife arsenal. I fully expected dead guy to be an advanced Walker playing possum. He takes the pointy objects excitedly to Shane who blows him off like it’s no big whoop, this upsets Lori. Do we remember Lori and Shane playing house last season and then the sexual assault at the CDC? Yeah, it’s time to talk about that. Shane reveals his plans to take off in a Hyundai Santa Fe as soon as he can. I’m sorry, but Shane is a redneck*, and no redneck worth his hip waders would take a Hyundai when there are so many Chevy pick-ups around. Oh, what’s that? The premier is sponsored by Hyundai? I see, carry on.
*I say this with the greatest affection. I come from a long, proud line of rednecks.
Back in the woods, Rick and Daryl come upon a Walker, take him out and notice that he’s recently fed. Fearing he had a lovely lunch of Sophia tartare, they decide to take a closer look. What follows is a stomach-churning, egregiously-long gutting sequence that only confirms that this guy had woodchuck for lunch. The guys head back to the road, realizing that it’s getting dark and tracking will do no good until first light. Carol understandably freaks out upon their return. After learning they cut him open and that the Walker didn’t eat her little girl, she calms down to a wail.
The whole group, minus Dale and the wounded T-Dog, divvy up the pointy objects and set off at first light. But not before Andrea demands a gun and gives Dale what for about his stunt, otherwise known as saving her life, at the CDC. He took away her choice and she doesn’t appreciate it one bit. He expects her gratitude and afraid she’s still going to try to off herself. They find themselves at an impasse and she heads out with the group.
In the woods, Andrea continues to grumble about not getting a gun, which is really very helpful. Shane blows off Carl, again. The group stumbles upon a tent with a body inside, a very ripe body that is decidedly not Sophia. But the body does have a gun, so Daryl braves what must be a horrible stench to retrieve it. Shane and Rick gag outside like a bunch of sissies completely normal people. Suddenly, they hear a church bell and tear off in its direction, hoping for Sophia or other survivors to be ringing it. When they see the church, Shane astutely observes that it doesn’t have a steeple or a bell to be rung. They enter and come upon three walkers in the church, one of which may be in a wedding gown. Our resident badasses Rick, Shane and Daryl quickly dispatch them while Jesus looks down on from the cross. I don’t think Jesus minds if you kill zombies. All the while Shane keeps noting that the church doesn’t have a steeple or bell. When the peals begin to ring out again, Glenn discovers that the bell comes from a loudspeaker set on a timer, which is a serious kick in the teeth.
Back at the RV, Dale lets T-Dog in on the fact that he’s fixed the RV, but doesn’t want to tell anyone in an effort to stick around long enough to save Sophia. Chances this will come back to bite him in the behind are high.
At church, Carol goes in to pray. Lori and Shane stay outside to have an argument about their past and his leaving, all within earshot of an around-the-corner-hating-life Andrea. Andrea then asks Shane if she can come along on his Hyundai adventure, he isn’t really down with that, he’s more of a lone wolf. Inside, Carol asks God’s forgiveness for praying for her horrible husband’s death and asks Him to keep her daughter be alive and safe. I think what’s kind of great here is that she’s saying she might deserve this punishment of having her daughter taken away, but that the girl doesn’t deserve death or zombification for her sins. Once again, it’s getting dark. Rick and Shane reluctantly take Carl along to continue looking for Sophia while the rest head back to the highway for the night.
Okay, Andrea’s still whining so I say she deserves a new nickname. WaaAndrea keeps sniping about not having a gun on the way back, commenting on Lori’s gun. Her bellyaching prompts Lori to give an awesome speech, the gist of which is quit complaining because Rick is awesome and braver than the rest of them, and they put him in a leadership position, so they should stop blaming him for being an imperfect leader. Oh snap, a bunch of somebodies just got told, the walk back is going to be awk-ward.
Still at the church, in a lovely, quiet moment, Rick goes in and prays to Jesus for a sign that he’s doing the right thing. I really love that Rick quickly realizes that Jesus was just a guy, who probably didn’t know if he was doing the right thing all the time either. Then I realize that they’re comparing Rick to Jesus, and I’d really rather the show not go there.
Elsewhere in the woods, Rick, Shane and Carl come upon a deer. You think this is Rick’s sign, don’t you? I sure did. Shane immediately raises his gun to turn it into dinner. Rick stays his hand when he sees Carl advancing toward the deer. They can’t see the look on his face, which is either filled with murderous intent or child-like wonder. Let’s go with child-like wonder. Anyway, Carl gets closer and closer to the deer, who doesn’t bolt, and then, BLAMMO! Carl takes one in the stomach, after it rips through the deer. That’s one heck of a sign for you. And, that’s it for this week.
Ahead this season: See if Carl survives! Meet some new survivors! Rick makes more hard decisions! WaaAndrea gets a gun! Shane shaves his head! See if new show-runner Robert Kirkland can keep up this level of awesome! And, as always, ZOMBIES!
This article was posted in 
