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Episode 205: Chupacabra
This week, we answer some questions, ask some new ones, and spend a lot of time alone in the woods with Daryl. Although, Daryl’s wearing considerably more clothes than I might like. Join me won’t you?
In flashback, we see how Carol, Sophia and gross, dead Ed become part of the group. They were stuck next to Shane, Lori and Carl in a gnarly traffic jam heading into Atlanta. Which, really? People, we do not go towards the major population center during the zombie apocalypse, no matter what you’re calling them. Anyway, Carl’s hungry and Carol offers them an MRE, which causes us to all remember why no one cried when Ed was bitten and had to be killed. Shane tries to get some information out of his police radio, but gets nada, but that’s probably just because Atlanta just got good and blowed up.
Back on the ranch, Lori wakes up to find Carol folding laundry and wondering if she’d like to help cook dinner to thank Hershel for the hospitality. Carol then calls Lori the group’s “unofficial first lady” and asks her to extend the invite. This all makes Rick the president, which I’m sort of uncomfortable with.
Speaking of Rick, he’s organizing the day’s Sophia Search Extravaganza. Jimmy (Oh! Hey Jimmy!) saunters up and asks to go along, saying that Hershel has agreed to it. Jumping on the Hershel’s implied consent bandwagon, Daryl says he’s going to take a horse to scout the ridge. We get our episode’s title when T-Dog jokes that he might see his chupacabra up there, which Daryl once claimed to have seen during a squirrel hunt. Squirrel hunt. I’m not sure there are two more backwoods word pairing in the English language. Maybe possum stew, for which my grandma had a recipe. All this does is serve to make Rick feel left out. The chupacabra is an inside joke from the early days of our survivors.
Glenn is clearly not-at-all waiting for Maggie on the porch, except he totally is. He asks her if she’d like to have more of the sexy time. She’s all meh, and claims not to even know if she likes him and that them having 11 condoms just means there are 11 more minutes of her life she won’t get back. Oh snap, girl.
Out in the woods, Rick tries to engage Shane in conversation by talking about what a skeeve stud Shane was in high school. Apparently, back then, Shane was the man and Rick was a clueless chump who didn’t know what bases he was rounding. Guess that’s why Shane’s holding on to his glory days with that stupid chain. Except he claims that Rick’s the one holding on to a way of life that doesn’t exist anymore. And that he should be aware that even by the old rules, at best they’re looking for Sophia’s body.
Meanwhile, Daryl’s on a horse. Let me say that for you more slowly, Daryl. Is. On. A. Horse. (Seriously, Internet? You can’t give me one picture of Daryl on a horse? Jerks.) From horseback, he spots something down in a creek, which if his eyesight is that good, our children might have a chance to go glasses-free. So, he scurries down there and finds Sophia’s doll washed up on the shore. He calls for her, but she’s no where to be found. He gets back on the horse (!) and keeps going, except that stupid nag didn’t know a good thing when she had it and throws him when she sees a snake. This sends him tumbling down a hill/cliff and lands him in the water with an arrow sticking through his side. He cuts off his shirt sleeves (!!) and ties the arrow in place. That seems like not the right thing for a survivalist to do, maybe he figures it’ll keep the blood in? Then he gets to hill climbing, only he slips, tumbles and falls back down the hill, knocking himself unconscious.
Arrow in his side? Still awesome.
Back at the ranch, Glenn corners Lori to ask her about the pregnancy test. There conversation goes something like this:
Glenn: Girl, what’s going on? You knocked up or what?
Lori: Shh! You can’t tell anyone.
Glenn: Girl, you haven’t told him yet?
Lori looks off into the distance to see Shane and Rick returning. Her eyes say, “Which him?”
Glenn: Uh oh, girl!
End Scene
Rick pulls Lori aside and asks if she thinks they’re wasting time looking for Sophia. His conversation with Shane has rattled him, but Lori assures him he’s doing the best he can.
Beth (Oh! Hey Beth!) interrupts to tell Rick that Hershel is looking for him. By the generator, Hershel tells Rick that neither Daryl nor Jimmy had his permission to do anything. They agree to each control their respective people, Rick understandably looks like this might be impossible.
Back with my darling Daryl, he’s hallucinating big brother Merle, who’s giving a pep talk the way only a racist, jerkwad, older brother can. This basically consists of Merle hurling insults at the group, and Daryl, while accusing him of abandoning the only kin he’s got. It ends with Merle kicking Daryl which not so conveniently turns out to actually be a Walker trying to chew through Daryl’s steel-toes.Thanks to the steel, Daryl has time to beat this guy to death, but another Walker’s on his way, one I think we’ve seen before. This time Daryl pulls the arrow out of his wound (yipes! That’s the wrong way D! Go backwards!), put it in his crossbow and catch Mr. Walker right through the frontal lobe. There’s nothing he can’t do. Except climb back up the hill without re-hallucinating Merle, who’s back for more insults.
Ah, brotherly love.
In the farmhouse, Maggie’s setting the table with the good china for the co-family dinner, of which Hershel was unaware. Mr. Prickly asks his darling daughter, “What’s going on with the Asian boy?” Maggie’s all, “I’m a bit old for the talk, Dad.” He still warns her not to get close, as “these people” won’t be around forever.
She's 22, guy, the time for "the talk" has passed.
Back in the RV, Glenn’s asking Dale for lady advice, saying essentially, that all these bitches be trippin’. Dale’s all like, “What bitches?” Glenn name checks WaaAndrea, Lori and finally Maggie. Glenn admits to doing the dirty with her. Dale sees the stupidity in banging the farmer’s daughter while he’s kindly letting you stay on his farm. Clearly Dale forgets what it was like to be young, dumb, and full of …um, moxie?
Up on the roof, WaaAndrea’s got a gun, great. She spots a bloody, limping figure in the distance and understandably yells that it’s a Walker. The dudes take off with various bludgeoning implements, realizing when they get close enough that it’s Daryl and he’s not infected. WaaAndrea, however, is an idiot. The novice shooter decides to play sniper, even though he’s very far away and there are at least 4 people between them, any one of whom she could hit. The shot rings out and Daryl hits the ground, everyone near him screaming. The following commercial break was roughly 17 ads too long.
Because listening and waiting and junk is, like, really hard you guys.
Although, I can see why she thought he was a Walker.
We come back to Daryl talking, thank God. On the spectrum of Stupid Decisions by a TV Character, I’d place WaaAndrea’s Daryl potshot somewhere between Ross Gellar wearing leather pants on the low end and Carrie Bradshaw cheating on Aiden, which is clearly the dumbest thing EVER done on scripted TV.
Shane once again tells Rick that he should give up on Sophia. Rick thinks that Daryl’s doll evidence warrants more time. Shane then appeals to Lori, who tells him that giving up on Sophia is the easy, selfish choice which, duh. Lori once again has to tell him to step off.
Daryl’s getting sewn up by Hershel, who remains shocked that they’ve all lived this long. Dale tells WaaAndrea that we’ve all wanted to shoot Daryl. Hey! Not since Merle left. Right? Right!?!??!
"I was really something in my vaudeville days..."
Dinner is tense. I ate a dinner like this once, dead silence except for the ticking clock, at a friend’s super-religious house in college. It was not fun. Maggie, Glenn, Beth, and Jimmy are kind of hilariously at the kids table. Maggie passes Glenn a note telling him she wants his bod and asking him where they should meet. Glenn’s loud, scratchy writing of a response prevents Maggie from reading what he said.
Carol takes Daryl a tray of food, and in direct opposition to what he’s heard his whole life, she thanks him for looking for Sophia and tells him that he’s just as good as Rick. Aww. But, Carol, you know he’s totally better than Rick, right?
While putting away the dinner dishes, Maggie checks Glenn’s note, which asks, “Ever done it in a hayloft?” Which, hello, Glenn? She’s the sexually adventurous daughter of a farmer, you dolt, of course she’s done it in a hayloft. Her look, however, does not read cheese, it reads terror.
This is Glenn's WTF face.
Aw, yeah, y’all, we’re going to the barn! Glenn finds the front door padlocked, weird, right? So he goes around to a ladder and climbs up into the hayloft. His face says, damn it stinks in here, and he’s not trying out the Joey Tribbiani method of acting. The barn is full of Walkers. Maggie arrives and tells him he wasn’t supposed to know about this. Ya think so, doctor? Dun dun dun.
I don't think this will be a light-hearted, "Thriller"-style romp.
Next week we ask the question, why the eff are you freaks keeping a barn full of zombies? I mean WTF? Right?
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